One Regret
by BrokenHeartedExorcist
Summary: Have you ever had regrets in your life? Ones that haunt you day in and day out. Well I Allen Walker have one regret that I will never forget, not even for one second during my whole life. That one regret that killed my best friend, Lavi Bookman.AU oneshot


Have you ever had regrets in your life? Ones that haunt you day in and day out. The tightness that welds in your chest, a constant reminder of what you've done. Well I Allen Walker have one regret that I will never forget, not even for one second during my whole life. That one regret that killed my best friend, Lavi Bookman.

It was a warm summer day when this mess of an attempt to confess to my best friend (the one I mentioned before.) I began to feel different towards Lavi after our previous summer break. We spent at least every other day together. Our bond became stronger every day learning new things about one another. I had been keeping my feelings to myself considering when a hot girl would walk by Lavi would yell "STRIKE!" And run off trying to get the girl's number. It pained me to see how Lavi would grow emotions for the girls he ended up dating over the summer. Once the summer was over he continued to date during school.

These girls for some reason or another seemed to hate me. I never showed any hatred towards them so why should this be happening? A year went by with Lavi having new girlfriends and it was now summer again. I was convinced I would tell Lavi about my true feelings. But when that day came, I of course thought it would go along smoothly. I didn't fear for the worst, heck I didn't fear anything at all. Well that day I learned you should always fear for the worst.

~ o ~

"Hi Lavi!" I smiled warmly to my redhead friend as he walked towards me, as I sat on an old park bench letting the wind blow my hair around freely.

"Hey Allen, what was it you wanted to see me about?" Lavi smiled back at me in such a way he made my heart skip a beat.

"Um, well... You see..." I could feel my cheeks heating up. _Breathe in Breathe out. _I coaxed myself. Taking my mind of what was happening for a second I watched a red autumn leaf fall. Twisting and turning, gently it landed in front of my feet.

"What's going on Allen? You look like a tomato." Lavi chuckled as he sat down next to me on the wooden park bench.

"Well, L-Lavi I've wanted to tell you for quite some time now..." I stuttered my tongue tripping over the words I spoke._ Here it goes_, _there's no turning back now. _I reminded myself, those words swimming through my head over and over.

"L-Lavi I Lov-" I was cut off by one word I hated. One word I wished would die in the flames of hell.

"STRIKE!" Lavi yelled concurring over my weak voice. His eyes now focusing on a blonde girl who was walking by showing off her extremely large chest. "No way, I have to get this one's number!" Lavi jumped off the park bench sprinting over to the blonde.

I sat mystified in horror. _I-I just confessed to him and he ran after a girl. I can't believe this, he just got up and left me after I... _I shut my mind off shoving any stray feelings of Lavi away. I stood from the old park bench taking one step forward crushing that one red leaf.

Just like that leaf I had my heart broken by the person I trusted most, the person I called my friend, the person I could go to for closure, the person that tutored me with math, the person I went to for advice. The person I had loved over everything had just broken my heart with ten words. Ten words that could have been avoided, ignored, forgotten, were now permanently enclosed in my mind.

The next words I spoke filled with every ounce of emotion I had left. "I hate you." Those three words echoed through my head.

One thing I didn't expect was that Lavi would hear those words. But, he did. He turned to look at me in udder shock. Lavi had the most pained expression on his face that I had ever seen. "W-what?" He spoke as if he was wishing that he heard wrong.

"You heard me you fucking playboy!" I screamed at Lavi with such hatred in my voice I even surprised myself with such a tone. Never before had I spoken to Lavi this way, it hurt.

"What do you mean playboy?" Lavi now to had his voice filled with venom.

"You know what I mean! You always go after any girl that has big boobs! E-even after I..." I looked at the sidewalk ashamed of my words I spoke even though I meant most of what I said. "I-I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me... I have to go...!" I felt my feet moving on their own creating distance between Lavi and I.

I could hear him calling after me. Pleading for me to stop, I didn't. If anything I quickened my pace. I had just made my way out of the park yet I could still hear his voice calling for me.

_Don't stop. He broke your heart remember? _A deep monstrous voice spoke to me in my head. _He really doesn't care about you. _It spoke again sending electric waves down my spine. _Look at how pathetic he is chasing you. _"Shut up." _You know he really hates you? _"Shut up." _He doesn't deserve to live. _"Shut up." I repeatedly would tell the voice.

I had now made it to a street, running acrossthe street I could still hear Lavi calling out to me. Then it came to me. Why am I running? I thought. Why am I leaving him? Why did I have to say those things? Why didn't I just keep to myself? Why wasn't I ok with just being friends? I asked myself these questions over and over. Thinking back to the beginning of this summer I remembered one moment I wish would become reality once more

_Flashback_

It was a hot summer day, Lavi and I had decided to have a water balloon fight accompanied by a water gun fight. Leaving us soaked and tired we laid on Lavi's deck absorbing the sun while we drank Dr. Pepper.

"I really love moments like this." Lavi smiled warmly towards me.

"You do?" I tilted my head somewhat confused of how Lavi could truly love moments like this.

"Yeah, it just makes me really happy to have had as much fun as what we did today." Lavi still smiled fully enjoying the moment.

"I'm gonna miss you." I blurted out not really thinking of what exactly I was saying.

"I'm gonna miss you to. Going to college is going to be a bummer without you there." Lavi grinned making me blush from his statement.

"It's not like I could go with you even if I wanted to. I still have one year left of high school." I sighed upset of how Lavi would be going on to college while I stayed in high school.

"I'm gonna miss drawing funny things on your face." Lavi joked chuckling.

"Eh? You're only gonna miss drawing on my face?" I sighed somewhat saddened by Lavi's comment even though it was meant to be a joke.

"No, I'm gonna miss a lot of things about you." Lavi sighed making his smile less noticeable while doing so. "I'm gonna miss your laugh, the fights you and Yu get into, your poker smarts, the pranks we pull on each other..." Lavi took a deep sigh before he said something that changed everything in my view of Lavi all together.

"And one thing I'm gonna miss the most of all is not having my best friend by my side." Lavi smiled as he spoke meaning every word. Just those words alone made my heart seize up. _I'm Lavi's best friend?_ I thought looking over to the sun soaking redhead.

"I'm your best friend?" I asked cautiously for some reason.

"Yup, the one and only." Lavi rolled to his side facing me still somehow smiling.

"You're my best friend to." I smiled at Lavi now rolling to my side facing Lavi.

"I'm glad you said that." Lavi grinned pulling a mirror from behind his back.

I looked confused at the elder teen who was grinning mischievously. "What's up Lavi?" I asked confused by Lavi's behavior.

"Take a look for yourself." Lavi grinned showing all of his teeth as he held up the mirror to my face. Now I knew why he was grinning, he had written with black sharpie **Lavi's Best Friend **across my forehead.

I chuckled with Lavi smiling as we both laughed. For some reason I felt really good right now I felt like I truly knew what it's like to have a friend, no scratch that a best friend.

"I'm glad you found it funny because I did the same. I grinned at Lavi taking the mirror and holding it before his face showing him that I to had written in black sharpie **Allen's Best Friend **across his forehead as well.

We both sat laughing and talking the rest of the day away not wasting one moment. That day I can truly say was the best day of my life.

_End of flashback _

_Now watch him die. _The monstrous voice was back in my head. Almost as if on cue I turned around to see Lavi being hit by a huge truck. Slamming into his body with so much force it sent him flying through the air, blood splattering everywhere.

"LAVI!" I screamed my voice cracking horrified. I had never run so fast in my life before, I ran to Lavi's side kneeling to hold the limp and bloody figure. "Lavi." I spoke terrified of what had happened.

"A-Allen...?" Lavi started to speak stuttering as he did so.

"Shh... I'm so sorry Lavi. I'm so sorry... I should have never said those words. I take all of it back. Please forgive me." Warm salty tears ran down my face as I held his weak figure close.

"I-I forgive you Allen." Lavi reached up and cupped my cheek trying to smile. "What was it y-you were saying to me earlier? W-when I rudely ran off." Lavi still tried to smile. "Please tell me."

"I said... I love you." I covered my eyes with my bangs trying to hide my shame.

"I thought so... Well, I guess I can finally say that I l-" Lavi's words were cut off by his body going limp.

"Lavi..! Lavi! LAVI!" I screamed trying to yet again awaken him. Nothing. As I heard the sirens I knew in my mind, I knew something I never wanted to except. Lavi was dead.

~ o ~

I know that Lavi's death was my fault. I hated to think about it. I tried to forget about it but it's hard to not think about someone you can't go a second without remembering. The pain I caused him. The life I robbed him from. The future I took from him.

All because I couldn't just stay friends.

_~ Fin ~_

**I hoped you liked my oneshot. I think I did pretty good. Oh yeah I forgot, I do not own D. Gray Man. Please review! This story was inspired by Three Days Grace- Last to know.**


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